Class Notes: #5

Revision: Word Splash

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Poetry Revisions Strategies

(advice from Donald Graves and Georgia Heard)

Meaning

· Highlight the one line that says most what you want the poem to be about

· add/delete/ revise lines in support of the “main line”

Word Choice

· underline verbs – are there ones you could substitute that are more active and precise?

· search for more exact words, especially names and other specific nouns rather than general ones (Wheaties versus cereal)

Design and Layout

· examine ends of lines - use strong nouns and verbs there (not prepositions, conjunctions, adjectives or adverbs) usually – there are always exceptions, but do it for effect

· read the poem aloud several times; rearrange line and stanza breaks based on rhythm and emphasis

Final Draft Refinements

• ask someone to read it to you – listen to how they are reading/interpreting it; as you listen and confer, ask yourself
• Are there awkward words or phrases or clichés? How can I make them strong, poetic, memorable words or phrases?
• What feeling does the reader get? Does the poem have “emotional truth”? Do I need different words or images to move the reader?
• Are parts confusing? How can I clarify? Are ambiguous or abstract places a strength or weakness?
• Do I have clear, powerful, vivid images? Where do I need stronger images?
• Did I show rather than explain?
• Does the poem lose energy? What can I delete or revise?
• What surprises – ahhhhhh!

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Revising your work in front of the kids is a great idea to show the students how to revise, what to look for. Even encourage the students to revise with you.

~Interstate 95 North: Example of the writer revising his own work in writing.

♪ ♫ Song performances for desegregation. ♪♫

Six Image Poem practice

Ten Mini-Lessons: Theme - Observation and Wonder Door (Two Paper Doors to help differentiate)

1. Take students on a field trip to sensory room. Allow for them to explore and see what they can find using their five senses. Once the trip is over, create a list of observations based on what they saw, touched, heard, and smelled.

2. Wonder Door: Ask the students what they wondered about?

3. Ask the kids what are the best two or three words that best describe the room. Ordinary to Poetic words: Ask the students to elaborate on the words they chose. How is it smelly?

4. Turn the poetic words into a rough draft poem. Organize the words/ideas together based on senses. Then making the line breaks.

5. Revise! 1st draft.

6. Practice reading out loud and see if we need anymore line breaks.

7. Finish observation poems and continue to wonder poems.

Charrette Protocol - 10 minutes each

• Present the work in progress
• ask for the kind of help you want - "address xyz"
• appoint a moderator/facilitator to help guide the discussion summarize key points
• listen only as others discuss the word regarding the aspects authoring team has asked you to address

Suggestions:

1. possibly keep the wonder door until after observation poem

2. paralleling it with why? While writing about observations ask why?

3. Go in the observation door and come out the wonder door.

Next week for class 6: eavesdropping and lists - do these actions during the week.